Ted Health: How to Have Great Sex

Released Date: 11/22/2022 Podcast Duration: 37:04 3 Key Takeaways

1. Become familiar with your likes and dislikes surrounding sex

2. Never try to fix sexual issues during the act of sex

3. Detailed communication with your partner will yield the best results

Siphumeze Khundayi and Tiffany Mugo are two sex educators and the co-founders of HOLAAfrica (HOLAA!) a Pan-Africanist digital platform that focuses on creating spaces that deal with safe sex and pleasure. In this episode they share insights on the kinds of mental and emotional tools we can utilize in order to have great sex. They elaborate on why it’s okay to take small steps on your sexual journey and why it is important to take ownership of your pleasure.

Introduction

1. For many people there is still a lot of embarrassment and shame around the topic of sex and pleasure

2. Siphumeze Khundayi and Tiffany Mugo's mission is to promote conversations about sex and sexuality across the continent

   1. One must do internal monitoring and evaluation if they are going to live their best sex life

Fear and Discomfort Surrounding the Topic of Sex

1. There is constant socialization and shaming about sex

2. Many countries have strict policies around sex

3. Religion shames premarital and homosexual sex

   1. Even masturbation is considered a sin

4. People are hesitant to even name sexual parts in front of their children

   1. Many children and teens are not given a safe space to learn about sex and properly understand their urges

What does it mean to be Sexually Healthy?

1. Sex is not just physical but also has strong emotional effects too

   1. People who seek help for sexual problems also have an element of psychological issues

   2. Sexual health can be described as:

      1. Freedom to decide what kind of sex a persons wants

      2. Choice of sexual partner

      3. Without outside judgment and forced opinions on sex

   3. Detailed communication with your partner is key to promote sexual health

Being Sex Positive

1. Being sex positive doesn’t mean you are having a lot of sex with with multiple people

2. Sex Positive means that you do not judge other peoples sexual preferences and you have an open mind

3. It is important to understand your sexual boundaries

   1. Likes/dislikes

      1. Communicate with your partner

   2. It is normal to be in a bad or frustrating space sexually

      1. People put so much pressure on themselves to perform and believe they need to fix a problem

      2. Often times the problem is not understanding what they want out of a sexual experience
         

Healthy vs Unhealthy Ways to Talk About Sex

1. Don't try to discuss or fix sexual issues during the act of sex

   1. No one needs negative feedback when they are butt naked

2. Positive reinforcement

   1. Compliments during sex can offer your partner affirmation on what you like

   2. Show kindness when you give feedback

      1. Don't blame the other person for your bad experience

3. Don’t ask questions like “ Is this good? or "Do you like it? during sex

   1. Write down your thoughts and communicate before and after sex

4. It is very important to put your ego aside